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“Hmm” you replied in a distracted manner. “Do you think I’m a boring, grumpy old man?” You didn’t answer right away, but finished ministering to the vegetable in hand. Then you turned around, smiling. “But of course you are sweetheart!” Well that wasn’t exactly the response I had been hoping to hear. “Well, shit. That makes me just another statistic then.” “What’s brought this up all of a sudden?” You enquired. “I just read this article in the paper, which says that 75% of men over the age of 50 are grumpy. Apparently they whine and complain about almost everything.” “That seems like an accurate enough description to me. Very good research.” “What about boring – am I boring as well?” “Well, yes, I suppose you are actually.” I couldn’t believe I was hearing this. How could I, the most intelligent, witty man in the city of Glasgow, possibly be boring? I stroked my bearded chin for reassurance. You turned back to the sink and picked up the knife ready to go to work on the sprouts. She took another sip of her drink, which had turned truly delicious. The warmish feeling in her stomach was expanding into her rib cage, and from there upward into her deliciously ripened breasts. Her nipples began to tingle. She said, somewhat awkwardly, almost afraid of what he might reply, "Well, of course one gets used to having a man about the house..." No, I mean for sex," said Carter frankly. He leaned forward, his glass in his large hairy hands. "I mean, after all those years of regular fucking, it must get very lonely inside your..." I beg your pardon?" she asked, scarcely believing that she had heard correctly. Surely this well-spoken and good-looking man hadn't used that lewd word! Her eyes lifted and widened with astonishment. Beneath her, the pleasant sonorous drone of his roughly masculine voice had served to distract from the strange sensation of vibration under her loins. There definitely seemed to be something poking up now between her legs. The shape of it was.
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